Another Sunday Night

It’s another Sunday night. The end of one long week and the preparations begin for the beginning of another. How many times do we do this dance? How many times do we tell ourselves that this will get easier … someday …?

Seems like it’s a never ending cycle, if I’m being honest. One foot in front of the other and we just keep doing that over and over again until we meet some arbitrary end point. For some that’s retirement.

Well, I hinted a few weeks back that I was coming into the final countdown of some big changes. I am just over 4-weeks out from the first of those changes now. In 32 days I am ending one career and starting a new one.

And that thought is absolutely terrifying.

And thrilling.

And … And … And …. so many emotions coursing through me at the idea.

I’ve been planning this for awhile now though. And some of the pieces are going to take a lot longer, have more moving parts. But the biggest part of it all? I’m taking a really big chunk of time off and going to spend it being self-employed.

The plan is to be gainfully so.

I’ll try to write full-time, and at first that means getting familiarized with things like the AP Style Guide and the Writer’s Market Guide. How to write for what publication and who to ask about publishing that thing I wrote.

And I want to try to get this novel I’ve been outlining for the last couple months written. I’m pretty excited about it.

I have a lot to learn and I’m looking forward to the initial time off to learn it. And there is a part of me deep down inside that is worried about what if I fail?

Funny thing is, this isn’t the first time I’ve had that thought.

The first time it was moving to a new High School.

After that it was my first date with a boy. Or buying my prom dress.

Then it was the interview for my first (real) job.

And then my wedding day.

And I can’t forget the day I found out I was pregnant (all three times) and the fear that came with that news.

But here’s the thing …

I graduated High School, and went to prom without any wardrobe malfunctions.

I married the boy, got the job, and the kids are all alive and well.

The things that matter we make work. The things that don’t will be whatever they will be. We always find new things to fill us with fear.

It’s okay to be afraid to fail, but it’s not okay to let that fear keep us from trying.

I might fail. If I do I’ll just have to try again using what I learn to try harder and fail better.

I’m looking forward to it.

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